MY WISH FOR THIS MOTHERS DAY

My Wish For This Mothers Day

What can I wish for mothers day that I don't already have, I have a Husband who Loves me, 3 Healthy Children who Love me and who I would do anything for....But yet what I wish for myself is not for the obvious, I wish to have a relationship with my dad....I have not seen him in almost 12 years...those of you who know me very well know why...I can't remember ever waking up with him in our home, or having him come to anything that what important to me when I was a child...For so many years I held on to this wasted anger and hatred for this man who maybe at the time just did not know how to be a dad... Yes he walked down with me on my wedding day, but how sad I felt that th is man walking beside me felt like a stranger...this man who is giving me away was never there for me in the first place, but yet I held on to him for I would have taken anything he would have given me.As I grew up and had my first child who is now almost 16 I remember calling my father and telling him I was to be a mom....His reaction very surprising he bagan to cry...why was he crying...later I would find out it was because at that very moment he realized that his little girl was not so little anymore...he came to the realization that the job he should have done was no longer needed or so he thought. The day would come and my Angel was born and guess who would appear my dad...I thought to myself perhap he realizes that he is still needed , perhaps its not to late....after a while of visiting me he again left my life...I later found out that I was to be a mom again I called him but t his time not much of a reaction, oh well I thought, what am I to do... 10 years later He found out that I could not carry anymore children and that I was to go to China to receive our Beautiful Daughter and again he cried , My father is a MINISTER and he prayed that everything would go well and that I would make it home safe with my daughter...While in China the phone rang and yes it was my dad ...Now my father never calls me , so for him to call me while I was in China was HUGE!!!! I said to myself and to my husband if he continues to reach out to me for 1 year , I will go and visit him . During this past year he called me for Mothers Day, for th e first time in 41 years he called me for my Birthday and Christmas...he calls me every other week and we are growing as father and daughter....So With all of that being said, this Friday I leave to Florida to spend a week with my Dad...I never spent a week with him not even as alittle girl....But what I found in my older years , is that life is just toooo short to try to correct the past...the past is just that the past...but what I can try to do with the help of my dad is to make a better future...and to show my children by example of the importance forgivness is.....When my Dad left me, he left me with a very angry, bitter, abusive women ...who YEAP, I don't talk to ..you see unlike my dad, My mom will never admit to her wrong doings...so I can't try with someone who does not even care to....I want to take this time to speak with him and let him know what I had to deal with as a child because of his absence....and to also show him that I am ok...and That I want to forgive him and move on....
What I want for Mothers Day you ask??? I want MY DAD , Like every little girl that has grown up I will forever need him in my life...So although I am very nervous about this Friday , I know that I can do this , with an open heart and an open Mind you , me and everyone can do anything.....Here goes....wish me luck!!! And to all of You BEAUTIFUL MOMS IN THE WORLD, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY...
And to my Sweet daughter, I know there will come a day when you yourself will have to deal with some issues of your own with regards to you Bio parents, I can only hope that I can help you along the way by leading by example...... I LOVE YOU JIANNA, MICHAEL AND MY STEVEN....

Daddys not so little girl
Carmen